Your Coffin Would Be Far Too Light

📅  Spring 2011

【ᴛᴡ ғᴏʀ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴅɪsᴏʀᴅᴇʀ sʏᴍᴘᴛᴏᴍs/ᴍɪɴᴅsᴇᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴs ᴏғ sᴇʟғ ɪɴᴊᴜʀʏ + ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴀʙᴜsᴇ】

Spring had hit, was the thing. It wasn’t winter anymore. Sure, some days were still cold; it wasn’t burn-your-hoodies-on-the-beach weather—but Athena was still wearing her coat inside. Not that that was the tell or could keep it all hidden—Kato had watched his friend’s cheeks grow hollow over the grey course of winter. He knew something was wrong; had tried uncharacteristic gentleness with the topic, afraid to push too hard. But now spring had sprung and he and Athena were sitting on a curb at the edge of the parking lot and her coat sleeve fell back as she reached for the cigarette he’d held out towards her. Her wrist had no business looking as frail as it did; as though it could break under the weight of a single cigarette. 

It was one moment after too many before it, a final raindrop bursting an anxious dam in Kato’s head, because he was sharing his Newports with a skeleton and he was terrified he’d soon be splitting a pack with a casket. He jerked his hand back and met Athena’s puzzled eyebrow raise with an expression he knew looked out-of-character and almost terrified.
“Athena, I know you’re not supposed to talk to girls about their weight, but I’m fucking scared,” he half-snapped, fear sharpening his voice, “I have my own shit and I’m not an idiot, so I know something’s up, okay? I’m not letting you avoid talking about it anymore! You look like you’re dying! You’ve gotta get help, ‘Thena, you’ve gotta get help now.”

She looked shocked at first, but then bitterness overtook surprise and she looked away from him to stare moodily into the distance.
“Help from who?” she asked rhetorically, her pessimism and cold, knife-tip tone reminding Kato far too much of himself, “My parents haven’t noticed jack shit.”
“Fuck them! What about your brother?!”
Athena frowned and sounded a little less cynical as she replied, her gaze still averted:
“...I haven’t seen him in a bit. I don’t wanna bother him.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Kato retorted, “‘Bother him’? What the hell else does he have in his life besides you?!” 
Athena finally looked at him again, eyebrows raised, and he didn’t know if it was because his projection was obvious or because his anger was.
“He’s in college. I’m sure he has enough on his plate without worrying about what’s on mine,” Athena said, a coolness to her voice that told Kato he was not supposed to get angry with Sethfire.
“He should be worrying, though, ‘Thena! Somebody should be!” Kato retorted, anxiety edging its way back into his tone; “I don’t get it, how has no one fucking noticed?! Like, a teacher or a counselor or—”
“Why has no one noticed that you don’t eat lunch?” she spat back, cutting him off. He pursed his lips.
“Because I’m still—...Nevermind. You don’t want me to answer that,” he said, and she huffed her irritation.
“Probably not. Fine: What’s the stereotype, K? Who gets eating disorders?” she prompted.
“Girls. But—”
“White girls. Perfectionist, straight-A, ballerina white girls,” Athena corrected. “People see what they expect to see. They’re blind to everything else.” She turned away with a brooding look on her face; her gaze downcast and bitter. 
“So open their fucking eyes, Athena!” Kato snapped desperately, slamming his palm onto the edge of the curb. It felt worth the stinging of his skin to have her face him again, but it became all too clear that he still just wasn’t managing to get through to her: Her amber eyes stayed guarded, and she quite literally shrugged him off.
“Break’s almost over,” she said with a dismissive roll of her frail shoulders, “We gotta get to fourth period, c’mon.” 

He stood up with her and grabbed her arm on instinct when he saw her sway in place, but she tugged herself out of his grip.
“Chill out, K-O, my vision just went black for a second! It happens all the time, I’m fine!” she said sharply, hefting the strap of her bookbag higher on her shoulder.
“If it’s happening all the time, that’s just proof you’re not fine!” Kato badgered as they started the trek back to the school across the parking lot, “You need to call your brother, or the NEDA hotline, or fucking something, I’m not dropping this—”
“God, just leave it! I can still walk, can’t I? It’s not...like...I’m fuckin’…” Athena fumbled her words, looking suddenly dazed and blinking rapidly—then started to fall sideways as she pitched into unconsciousness. Kato just barely managed to catch her under her arms before she bashed her head into the side mirror of a nearby car, and clutched her to his chest as he sank into a crouch.
“Holy shit, ‘Thena, c’mon—are you okay? Can you hear me?” he stammered frantically, feeling impotent and terrified as he cradled his friend and cupped her face in his hands. Fortunately her eyes fluttered open, and Kato’s shoulders shook with his exhale of relief.
“You’re gonna call Seth,” he said firmly before Athena even had the chance to speak, “You’re gonna call Seth and tell him that you never eat and you just passed the fuck out and nearly brained yourself on Coach Miller’s Lexus and that you need help.”
“...Or what?” Athena replied, her tone so meek that even her challenge sounded like acceptance.
“Or I’ll do it,” Kato said gently, and whatever fight Athena might have been trying to muster appeared to leave her; her face fell and she seemed to visibly deflate.
“...Okay,” she whispered, leaning her cheek into his palm for the briefest moment before struggling to sit up. She put her head to her hands as soon as she did, looking deeply unwell—so Kato steadied her shoulders, afraid she might faint again.
“My head’s all staticky,” she mumbled, “And I feel too hot and too cold…” 
“Just take a second and breathe, okay?” Kato said, “I think I have some water, just...Can I get you something from the cafeteria, please—?”
She shook her head violently and looked so woozy from doing so that Kato relented.
“Okay, okay. Just have some water. And then we gotta call Seth.”

To Kato’s relief, Athena didn’t contest him further; she drank the proffered water without further prompting, and got out her phone of her own accord. Her hand trembled beneath it, though, and her shoulders dropped with obvious reluctance.
“You can do this, ‘Thena,” Kato said, meeting her hesitant eyes and reaching out to take her free hand in his, “I’m right here with you.”
Gripping his hand like a lifeline, Athena swallowed hard and hit the ‘Call’ button.

“Athena?” The concern in Sethfire’s voice was clear even through the phone, even without Athena having turned on speaker. “Aren’t you in school? Has something happened? Are you alright?”
“Um.” Athena looked on the brink of tears and dropped Kato’s hand in order to hold the phone with both of hers, clutching it like it was her brother’s arm. “No, Seth, I’m...I’m sick. I need you here, I’m sorry.”
“There's no need to apologize. Of course I’ll come get you.”
“She’s not ‘sick’ as in she’s just got the fucking flu,” Kato interjected, leaning towards the phone and feeling like things needed to be made clear. “She’s been starving herself to death and just passed the fuck out. Get here.”
Athena made a whimpering noise and something choked and shocked crackled through from Sethfire’s end, too. 
“What—? When did—? No, nevermind, when—when I get there,” Seth stuttered, stifling his own questions. There was the muffled but unmistakable sound of keys jangling. “I’m on my way, Athena. I’m on my way. I love you.”
Athena appended her own love to the end of the phone call and Kato relayed which edge of the parking lot they’d be sitting at, and they finally hung up to wait: Athena tucked to Kato’s side, his arm around her shoulders, his free hand clutched tightly in both of hers. They didn’t speak and Kato couldn’t bring himself to try; he didn’t have words to offer and he couldn’t get out of his head that this had to work, Seth had to save her; because she wasn’t meant to die before him and he wasn’t planning to be around and able to hold her close in this parking lot in a year’s time. She needed a hand to cling to that wasn’t his.

The eventual arrival of a silver Toyota Camry made Athena scramble to her feet, and Kato swiftly jumped up to grasp her shoulder in case she fainted again. She swayed slightly, but her knees didn’t buckle until Sethfire had already emerged from the driver’s seat, gasped an audible ‘Oh my God,’ at the sight of his little sister’s frailty, and pulled her into a hug. Kato felt somewhat like an intruder during their long embrace, where Athena slumped into her brother’s chest and Seth bowed his head towards her, his expression aghast. It seemed he must not have seen her for at least a couple months.
“Okay, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” Sethfire murmured to Athena, his soothing tone fringed by his clear concern. “Do you want to go home and discuss everything there? Or—”
“No, please—” Athena shook her head and pushed herself back to stare up into her brother’s eyes, still clinging to the front of his shirt; “Can't we go to your apartment? I don’t wanna go home—”
“Yes, of course! We just have to sign you out, then we can go.”
“I’m coming with you,” Kato said, stepping forward. Both of them looked at him but he leveled his gaze with Athena and gestured towards Sethfire.
“You weren’t gonna fuckin’ tell him at all before, Athena!” Kato snapped, his voice hardened by his anxiety. “I’m coming with you! I’m making sure you're okay and I'm making sure he hears all of it!” 
Athena shrank against her brother like she’d been scolded, but Sethfire nodded before Kato could feel too guilty.
“I do think that is a good idea, then,” Sethfire said, his voice gentle for Athena’s benefit; “I want to be sure I know what has been happening.” He cast an appreciative blink at Kato, who managed a curt nod before looking back to Athena and urging softness to his eyes. I’m trying to help you, he thought at her. He didn’t know how clearly his message was getting through.

Sethfire and Athena returned briefly to the school to sign her out for the day, but Kato elected to wait by the car and lit up another cigarette. He breathed smoke through his clenched teeth and pretended it was pouring from the windows of the school as he stared at the building, hating it: The prison-like walls, the pressure to perform, the presence of everyone inside it who turned a blind eye to what they didn’t want to see—whether it be his locker-room bruises or Athena’s sunken cheeks.
You’ll fucking see in the end, he thought bitterly at the brick building. Eventually. I’ll open your fucking eyes. 

He hit the filter of his cigarette at the same time Athena and Seth made it back to the car, and he climbed wordlessly into the back seat so that Athena could sit up front, beside her brother.
“...Please tell me what has happened, Athena,” Sethfire prompted as they pulled out of the parking lot. “How long have you been starving yourself? Why? What started this?”
“Um. I dunno,” Athena said, sounding meek. “It hasn’t been, like, forever. I’ve just been kinda struggling for a little while—”
“She stopped eating lunch at ALL a bit before winter break,” Kato interjected sharply, undercutting her attempt to downplay the problem. He watched her shoulders hunch slightly inward.
“...Okay, yeah, but...or, and...to get out of the house sooner, because...Mom and dad, y’know, I started skipping breakfast sometimes—”
“‘Sometimes I skip breakfast’, she says,” Kato said, leaning forward in his seat; “Athena, if you don’t tell him the truth—”
“Okay, fine! So every weekday I leave home without eating and I loop the block 6 times so that I don’t get to school weirdly early—”
“WITHOUT FUCKING EATING!” Kato yelled. “AND THEN YOU EAT YOUR DINNER HOW MANY NIGHTS A WEEK?”
“Half…” Athena muttered rather quietly, her posture having quailed slightly. “But more if I stay over with you, though, and I have snacks, and I—”
Kato hit the back of the seat, desperate past the point of anger.
“You can only stay over when my dad’s away and my dad’s out for a couple nights on business, like, once every two months, Athena!” he snapped. He planted his hands on the center console compartment and leaned his head into the front seat, pulling his seatbelt taut and hearing it click as it locked.
“Seth, you see what’s going on, her fucking ‘snacks’ arent gonna cut it—” he started, but Sethfire cut him off with a swift:
“No, I understand. Thank you, Julian.”
The use of his middle name assured Kato that he was being heard and taken seriously, so he sat back to fix his seatbelt, letting the end of his sentence leave his mouth instead as just a breath between his teeth. Athena shrank low in her seat, until her hair was no longer visible through the headrest’s gap.
“...Are you mad at me?” she asked, sounding frail.
And though Seth murmured it gently and Kato barked it, they both made the same reply, in the same moment: “No.” 
“I’m just scared,” Kato continued, his voice cracking despite his best efforts, “Just fucking scared.” 
“...I’m sorry,” Athena whispered, and her hand found his, still planted beside her armrest.
“Don’t be. Just get better.”

—

As soon as Sethfire shut the apartment door behind them, Kato stepped back into his half-frantic, firebrand way of trying to take charge:
“She needs to eat,” he said sharply to Seth, then turned to Athena with an equally emphatic “You need to eat.” He locked eyes with Seth again: “What do you have?”
Sethfire blinked a couple times, but despite the difference in tone, Kato’s priorities were identical to his own.
“I can put rice on. Is that okay, Athena?” he asked gently, turning to her, “Rice and chicken curry? It’ll only be 30 minutes or so.” 
Athena nodded jerkily but couldn’t look at him, and Seth felt his throat ache with how much had changed out of his sight: The frail, nervous girl in front of him just barely resembled his sister. She stared at the floor, her lip trembling, and started to cry. Her bony hands lept to hide her face and Seth started forward on instinct to hold her—but somehow Kato beat him to the punch: His arms already wrapping Athena into a hug, his domineering demeanor replaced in an instant by gentleness.
“Hey, no, it’s okay, don’t worry,” he murmured to her, his voice having dropped all previous force and become softer than down.
“I know I have to do it but I can’t, I don’t want to...” she whimpered into her palms.
“I know you don’t, but please, ‘Thena, you need to eat. You have to, I’m so scared.” 
Athena shook her head violently and burrowed into Kato’s shoulder as her muffled crying intensified into broken sobs.
“I can’t, I can’t!” she practically keened, and Sethfire could have sworn he felt his heart breaking. He closed the distance between himself and his sister with two strides he wasn’t even conscious of taking, and Kato gently handed Athena off into his outstretched arms. Seth clutched her to his chest and found himself again rendered speechless. She was so small, so scared. He had let her down. She could have been eleven again.
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured to her as she cried into his shirt, “I am so sorry. I’m here; I am. You can do it, Athena, please. Please, for me.”

He held her close and tight, rubbing her back and murmuring his love until her crying waned to hiccuping, then a few sniffles; eventually, clearly drained, she slumped rather limply against him and just breathed.
“...Okay, yeah,” she said weakly. She pushed herself back far enough to look up at him and nodded—and though her eyes were still wet and red-rimmed, Seth was relieved to see some semblance of her old spark flickering in them.
“Yeah,” she repeated, “I can...I can do it. I’m so tired, though...Please, can I just...lay down until...until the food’s ready? I think I cried all my energy out.” She tried to inject some sort of levity with the lilt of her voice and a shaky smile, and though both Sethfire and Kato tried to upturn their lips too, it was strained all around.
“‘Course you can rest, ‘Thena,” Kato said, somehow managing to sound both brusque and gentle simultaneously. He put his hand on her shoulder and locked eyes with Seth. “Where can she lay down?”
“My bedroom, it’s just down the hall. Second door to the right. I can get started cooking…” Seth kissed the top of Athena’s head, giving her one more squeeze before handing her off to Kato’s care.
“I love you,” she murmured.
“I love you too. Get some rest.”

After Kato and Athena retreated down the hall, Sethfire busied himself in the kitchen; tipping oil into the skillet and putting the rice on while he waited for it to heat. As he cooked, listening to the frozen chicken hiss in the hot pan, he couldn’t keep busy enough to prevent his thoughts from churning in his head. He was a psychology major, he’d learned some about eating disorders—how had he missed the risk of one in his own sister? Well, he hadn’t been very present, had he? But they didn’t tend to develop out of the blue, did they? So what signs had he missed before? And what had been the catalyst? He felt desperate to know; to understand, so that he could piece it together then take it apart and somehow find a way to fix it all...But what could he ask his sister without upsetting her? And even if he understood, once he did, what on earth could he actually do to ‘fix’ it? 
He was stuck there, frowning his uncertainty and tipping a jar of curry sauce into the skillet, when he heard footsteps behind him. He set the heat to simmer and turned around to find Kato had joined him in the kitchen alone; he leaned against the counter at the breakfast bar, facing Seth, folding his arms and scowling.

“‘Thena told me to go away so she could sleep. Where the hell have you been for her? When the fuck did you even last see her? Christmas? It’s been months!” Kato spat.
“I was entirely incognizant of what she’s been going through!” Seth replied, equal parts distraught and defensive; “If I’d had any clue, any notion whatsoever—”
“Incognizant, okay,” Kato scoffed through bared teeth, “Tell me, what are you compensating for with those big words? Because I know the fuck it isn’t your height.”
Sethfire blinked in surprise, taken aback by the level of challenge in Kato’s cutting tone.
“...No,” he eventually sighed, “Perhaps it’s my failure as an older sibling.”
“Good, you do need to compensate for that. She’s fucking dying,” Kato snarled, making Sethfire flinch. 
“Julian, I...” he started, only to be immediately cut off.
“Don’t bother, I get it; you don't want to deal with your parents!” Kato snapped, unfolding his arms; “God knows I wish I didn’t live with mine! But she’s still with yours. You can’t stop paying fucking attention, Seth, you need to keep a better goddamn eye on your sister! I don’t know what the hell your deal is but you can’t let yourself fucking slip! She’s killing herself and you know your folks are pieces of shit—they’re not gonna get her help, so you fucking better!” 

Kato’s sharp, accusatory tone still hung in the air after his tirade ended, and Sethfire spent a silent moment to truly take in the boy in front of him: Loose strands of hair had fallen into Kato’s face but didn’t hide his eyes—fiery and scared, his glare equal parts anger and fear for his friend. His fists were clenched at his sides, his shoulders rigid. He postured like a dog preparing for a fight. There was a desperate determination in his face that commanded Sethfire’s respect: His words, his tone, his body language—all spelled out the same thing: I will burn the world to the ground for her.
“I’ll do better,” Sethfire said quietly, “You’re right.” He glanced away, feeling his throat tighten, and drew a deep breath. “No, you’re—you are absolutely right. I’ve…I have been failing her. I’m her older brother. I will be a better one, I promise.”
He made eye contact with Kato again and tried to impress the honesty of his words with it. Kato steadily held his gaze and they spent a long, unblinking moment like that: Kato’s shoulders still tense, Sethfire’s brow still knitted into an appeal for trust. 

“...You have to be,” Kato eventually said, and though still forceful, his tone had lost some of its venom. He glanced over his shoulder towards the other room, fear displacing defiance for a split second, then locked eyes with Sethfire again.
“I’ll eat with her at school,” Kato said matter-of-factly, “I’ll do that, I’ll do whatever I fuckin’ can. But that house is gonna kill her. Nearly killed you, didn’t it? All the goddamn pressure comes out somewhere, doesn’t it? We all fuckin’ know.” Kato jerked his chin up in challenge at the end of his sentence and twisted his arm around briefly: His inner forearm was crowded with innumerable cuts and scars in various stages of healing, and Seth couldn’t silence the choked sound that rose from his chest. His own arm twitched in sympathetic instinct and he shook his head.
“No, you...You’re right. Again. She won’t be staying there,” Sethfire said earnestly, gesturing to the hall, “I have room here. I’ll get her out.”
Kato gave him another long, searching look.
“...Okay.” The eye contact didn’t break; Kato’s shoulders stayed rigid. Sethfire realized that his word alone wasn’t enough. Athena had found herself a resolute watchdog of a best friend, and Sethfire gave Kato another once-over. They’d only met in passing a handful of times before, just enough for him to become acquainted with Kato’s dual names and use both without drawing too much ire, but he’d never had the chance to appreciate just how close this Janus-like, bared-teeth teenage boy had gotten to Athena. But here he was, staring Seth down in his own kitchen, his glare screaming PROVE IT TO ME. SAVE HER.

Sethfire inclined his head again and motioned that Kato could follow him if he wished, then headed down the hall. His heart twisted in his chest at how small his little sister looked in his bed; too tiny a lump under the covers she’d pulled up to her chin. She blinked her eyes open as soon as he walked in, sleep apparently evading her.
“Athena,” Seth greeted softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed, “I want you to stay here with me. I feel that that would be best for you. What are your thoughts? Do you feel comfortable with that?”
Athena’s eyes widened and she struggled to sit up, reaching for his hand and clinging to it.
“You mean it? You really want me here?” Her eyes started to fill with tears and Sethfire pulled her into a hug, wishing beyond all else that he’d just taken her with him from the start.
“Yes, Athena, yes. I can call mum and dad right now. I don’t know how much persuasion they will need, but I’m certain I can manage it.”
“But you’re in college…” Athena said into his shirt, her voice itself sounding thin; “I don’t wanna get in the way.” 
“You being ‘in the way’ is a thing that has never once happened. That is mum’s voice in your head,” Sethfire replied, hoping Athena could tell the sharpness in his tone was reserved for their parents and not aimed at all towards her. “I want you here. You’ll stay?”

Athena nodded against his chest with a muffled response too tearful to make out; part “yes” and part “thank you,” but mostly consisting of her fingers tight in the fabric of his shirt and an entirely unspoken ‘get me out, get me out, get me out, save me.’
I will, Sethfire responded silently, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. For a few moments they stayed like that: Her draped against him and holding on; his arms around her, resting his cheek on her springy, coiled hair and breathing in the faint scent of her coconut shea butter. Finally they both drew back and he gave her hands one last squeeze. 
“I’ll call mum. Don’t worry. I love you.” Sethfire felt extremely aware of the ‘I love you’s that kept pouring forth from him; an apologetic excess to make up for not knowing, for being absent, for the times Athena had needed those words and been unable to find them. He prayed the repetition would work its way into her heart and take root there.

Kato lingered briefly in the bedroom with Athena whilst Sethfire returned to the kitchen to make the call: He knew a conversation held with their mother would likely be best kept from Athena’s earshot. He mindlessly stirred the curry in the skillet and pressed his phone to his ear, casting a glance at the clock over the stove as he listened to it ring. His mother should be on her lunch break, at least. He sensed a presence behind him and knew that Kato had come to stand sentinel. The ringing stopped with a click.
“Sethfire?” Namibia asked, a surprised lilt to her tone; “Why ever are you calling, darling? Are you alright? I am just about to go out to a lunch meeting.” Sethfire made note of the pointed emphasis with some irritation but pushed it down, though he bitterly wondered if Athena would have received either a ‘darling’ or an inquiry into her well-being, had she been the one calling. Somehow he doubted it.
“So sorry to delay you, mum,” Seth said politely. He turned and leaned one elbow on the countertop, staring straight ahead and putting on the mask he wore as his mother’s son. “I was just musing...I’ve been missing Athena rather dearly as of late. I was thinking perhaps I could pick her up from school today...could even have her stay for a bit. It gets dull and lonely sometimes here, if it works out maybe she could just stay and live with me: My second bedroom is getting no other use. And I know her schoolwork sometimes gets away from her; I would like to help her with that.” Seth could barely keep his lip from curling at how sourly he hated his own mirror of his mother’s silky tone and sly comments. Adopting it was his best shot at persuasion, though, so he silently clenched and unclenched his fist, swallowing his revulsion.
“Well of course you can have her for this evening, Sethfire, gladly. I believe I have a dinner to attend anyway,” Namibia answered pompously. “Long term, though? Do you really think that’s a good idea? It’s generous of you to want to help her, but you have university to think about.”
“I seriously doubt that being able to enjoy my little sister’s company will have any ill effects on my school performance,” Sethfire said. He knew some iciness had crept into his tone and he tried to quash it. “I do appreciate your concern, though, mum. I can handle it.”
“Well, if she does get in the way of your studies then you can always send her back, anyway,” Namibia quipped; “Though with any luck you’ll have a positive influence on her; she really does lag. Ah, as will I if I keep chattering away: I really must get going, dear. Ta!” 

Sethfire’s mother hung up with a click, and he used the brief drone of the disconnect tone to pinch the bridge of his nose and try to reign in his disgust. In his periphery, Kato unfolded his arms.
“It’s how I have to act with her,” Sethfire said preemptively; “And it worked. Athena can stay.”
“...I heard,” Kato said, raising an eyebrow. “Feeling defensive?”
Sethfire sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face.
“...I detest talking to my mother at her level. Absolute toff. God...‘Send her back if she gets in the way,’ she’s not an effing dog underfoot.” Sethfire attempted to shake off his seething tension and composed himself again, acutely aware of Kato’s intense gaze boring into his back while he stirred the curry on the stovetop. 
“You hate them,” Kato said impassively. “You’re the favorite and you still hate them.”
Seth noticed the way his shoulders wanted to tense, the sudden feeling of fragility in the air. He turned around and leaned against the counter beside the stove to look evenly back at Kato.
“I don’t hate my parents. I do hate being the favourite.”
Kato’s expression stayed entirely unreadable, but his eyes flicked down to rake over Seth’s scarred arms.
“...Looks like it,” he said, making eye contact again and flipping the hair out of his face. He turned his own arm around as he had before and nodded towards his scars. “Funny, right? The opposite of you. You did it ‘cause your parents love you.” 
“They don’t,” Seth found himself responding; “They love what they believe I can do for them. For their image.” He was unsure of his own motivation for the correction; be it defensive or some strange, impulsive vulnerability or both. Kato shrugged it off regardless.
“Same difference. My dad hates me for not doing what he thinks I could be doing for him.” Kato ran his fingers over his scars and shrugged again. “But it didn’t change anything for you. And it hasn’t changed shit for me either.”
Sethfire felt distinctly startled by the assessment, by the intimacy of its insight; but Kato dropped the topic with the same abruptness he’d raised it with and turned towards the hall before Seth could scrape together a response.
“So are you gonna tell Athena she’s fuckin’ saved, or should I?” Kato asked over his shoulder. Somehow the lingering tension between them seemed to dissolve at the mention of Athena’s name, and Sethfire felt himself relax.
“...How about we both do?”

Learning she wouldn’t have to return to Great Neck seemed to relight some of the fire that used to burn so brightly in Athena’s amber eyes—even if the joy and relief manifested as a fair amount of crying. Seth and Kato both took turns hugging and holding her, and when lunch was ready, she came to the table with her shoulders squared. Though it took over an hour for Athena to finish her plate of food, with Sethfire’s encouragement, Kato’s conversation and his ‘I’ll match you bite-for-bite, come on, let’s do this’-es, all of it backed by the promise that she wouldn’t have to return to her parent’s house, she eventually managed. When her eyes filled with tears immediately afterwards, Kato’s arms were around her shoulders within a heartbeat; the same amount of time it took for Seth to clasp her hand in his.
“So stupid,” she choked out, swiping her free hand over her eyes.
“Eating isn’t stupid,” Sethfire and Kato responded instantly, causing her to tearfully snort in amusement.
“No...It’s stupid I’m crying over it!” she said, her voice still wavering even though she smiled. Her eyes found Seth’s, though, and he watched doubt shadow her face, tugging the corners of her mouth down.
“...I can still stay, though, right? Please let me stay, it wasn’t easy!” Her shoulders started to shake and her smile had vanished; she looked unbearably scared.
“Of course you can stay, Athena,” Sethfire said emphatically, squeezing her hand. “I want you here, even once you are better and it is easy. Please...don’t worry. I am not going to send you away.”
She sniffled.
“...You promise you still love me?” 
“Yes!” Sethfire said, and at the same time watched Kato’s lips silently form the same word, though his head was resting against Athena’s, with his answer out of her line of sight and the question not aimed at him. He didn’t raise his gaze from the table and even as Sethfire turned his attention fully to comforting his sister, in the back of his mind he felt privy to a secret; a vulnerability that, unlike the scars on his arms, maybe he wasn’t even supposed to have seen.

Kato stuck around for Athena until the shadows outside grew long, and the dark circles under his tired eyes seemed to deepen with them. 
“I should leave soon,” he eventually said, after some sour glance out the window that he jerked away from as if slapped by the view. “Gonna take a while to get home from here.”
Sethfire sat up and half-startled looking at the clock: The school day had ended hours ago; Kato should have been home for some time already.
“Oh, it has gotten late. There’s no need for you to take the train, Kato. I can drive you home.”
“Just take me to the East New York station,” Kato said, shaking his head almost irritably. “It’s a couple minutes away. I’ll be fine.”
Athena bid him goodbye with a long hug, wringing her hands over not accompanying him to the station but exhausted and preoccupied by anxiety over going outside that Sethfire couldn’t parse.
“It’s fine, ‘Thena, I’m not gonna lose my shit at you,” Kato told her at the door, in that strangely managed curt-yet-kind tone of voice that he used for Athena alone, it seemed; “It’s less than a ten minute drive, it’s not worth putting your shoes on over. Just stay and rest and eat your fucking dinner tonight.” 
She mumbled something inaudible and his expression softened even as his brow furrowed; he seemed endlessly at a contradiction with himself.
“...You don’t look any different, ‘Thena. It was one meal,” he said quietly. “How would people know, anyway?”
She shook her head with a forlorn shrug and he pulled her into a hug again.
“Get better,” he whispered, fierce enough for it to carry, “When we first fuckin’ met, you know what you did? You showed off your fucking legs to me! Get that confidence back. That’s who you are, Athena. Fuck what people think...if they even do. You know yourself.” 
She nodded stiffly and he released her, and though Seth was able to offer his opinion that he agreed she deserved her confidence back as well, he felt distinctly grateful to Kato for understanding Athena so thoroughly and knowing to say the things he said.

It was only a five minute drive to the station, but the knowledge of how long a ride it would be for Kato tugged at Seth, who noticed Kato’s shoulders slump during the drive.
“Are you really sure you do not want a ride home?” Sethfire asked, even as he pulled into a parking spot. “It’s honestly no trouble.”
“I’m positive I don’t want a ride home. An hour and a half on the train is an hour and a half I’m not fucking there,” Kato said; his tone hostile, his eyes averted and storm-tossed, obfuscated by the hair he’d stopped sweeping out of his face and now sullenly hid behind.
Sethfire frowned, concern crumpling him. In the tingling and numbness of the scarring along his arms, he tangibly felt the kinship between himself and Kato; their commonality outside of their shared love for Athena. He wanted to reach out, connect in a way where he could find out how to help this wounded boy who’d done so much for his sister. He at least needed to properly acknowledge that.
“...Thank you, Julian. For getting Athena to call me. For ensuring she told me the truth. For supporting her as you do. I’m in your debt for that,” he said, not knowing what he could offer—or if he could offer anything.
Kato didn’t even look at him as he threw his backpack over one shoulder and shoved open the car door.
“Just keep her fucking safe. Then we can call it even.” 

He shut the door behind him and vanished into the bustle of the subway station, his shoulders hunched low, his eyes to the ground. Watching him disappear into the crowd like that, holding himself like a pariah, Sethfire sadly recalled Athena’s panicked expression in the school parking lot; asking, please, not to go home.
Gripping his steering wheel tightly on the drive back to the apartment, Sethfire wished in vain he could have given her friend the same reply he’d given her. 
Of course. 
Of course you don’t have to go home.