And I’ll Be Your Shelter All Over Again

📅 Spring Of 2020

[ᴛʀɪɢɢᴇʀ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ʀᴇғᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʜᴏᴏᴅ sᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴀʙᴜsᴇ]

“Seth?”

The 6am knock at the door had already caught Sethfire off-guard, and upon looking down when he answered it, he nearly startled at the sight of the boy in front of him. Because Kato had become a man some time ago—seven years—back when he still lived in the second bedroom of the flat whose door he stood at. But despite having reached manhood within its walls over half a decade prior, Kato suddenly looked the part of a boy again: Smooth-faced and slight, with wide, scared eyes and thin voice, he seemed to be growing younger by the moment.

“Seth,” he repeated, his breaths coming faster; “Last night I remembered something from—from my childhood.” His voice cracked and Seth knew, knew for certain, knew with the intensity of someone meant not to yet know. He’d wondered—maybe known—for years; with how Kato treated himself, how he talked, how much was missing from his memory banks. 
He had once expressed surprise at the idea that it was typical to have at least a few memories from elementary school, and Seth remembered that afternoon, still, where a seventeen year old boy had raised an eyebrow at him from across the living room and scoffed at the idea that he was entitled to memories of more than a mere half of his short lifetime.
“You’re a genius, Seth, you probably just have a stupidly good memory, too. Like, ‘Key, you don’t remember being seven, right?”

Anarchy had stated he did and shared a memory from then, a half-uncomfortable, half-fond one involving his mother and brother, and Kato had seemed confused to the point of frustration. 
“Well, I remember Montana, so who gives a shit,” he’d snapped as though he’d been challenged, and settled back into his seat to brood.

Looking down into his face now, Seth could tell that the blankness from back then was gone, leaving pain in its place.
“Come in,” Seth said gently—too gently. A cracked, broken sound escaped Kato’s chest and he stared up at Seth instead of stepping over the threshold.
“You know already,” he croaked; almost despairing. “You know just like Chey did. Am I the only one who didn’t know I got raped as a kid?” The word jolted Kato’s body like a retch when he said it and Seth wanted so badly to snatch it out of the air and tear it to pieces; undo the past, strip the word of relevance. His hand found Kato’s shoulder instead.
“I wasn’t sure,” he murmured appeasingly; “I wasn’t sure and could not ask.” 
“You would have given yourself away if you did, I guess,” Kato said dully. He stared at Sethfire’s sternum instead of his face; tears welled up in his eyes and streaked down his cheeks. “Did the guy who did it to you tell you he loved you, too?”
“...He did.”
“How do I not kill myself today, knowing?”
“You come up to my door and I invite you inside and I keep you safe,” Seth said, his voice threatening to catch in his throat. 

Kato still didn’t look up at him but stepped across the threshold anyway and leant his forehead against Sethfire’s shoulder; Seth folded him into a hug.
“I slept with Chey and ‘Key last night,” Kato said. Seth stiffened—that seemed like maladaptive behavior that could have real consequences—but as soon as he drew breath to respond he was met by the sound of Kato managing a laugh, however frail.

“Oh, no—not like that! I mean...I had a breakdown at them last night and they let me sleep in their bed so I wouldn’t be alone.” He grimaced; the laughter had dissipated so quickly it seemed to have undone its own existence. “Can you text them that I’m with you? ‘Key had gone for a jog and Chey was still asleep when I came up...They’ll freak if I’m just gone. I don’t have my phone…” Kato sniffled and swallowed some keening noise that threatened to escape him. “I’m so fucked. I couldn’t get into a hospital right now if I had a gun to my head, Seth. Going to a hospital right now might be just as fuckin’ dangerous anyway.”
“That’s why you’re with me,” Sethfire said gently. “You’re safe here. You’re always safe here.”