About

 〚ᴛᴡ ғᴏʀ: ᴄʜɪʟᴅʜᴏᴏᴅ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴀʙᴜsᴇ/ɴᴇɢʟᴇᴄᴛ, ᴄʜɪʟᴅʜᴏᴏᴅ sᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴀʙᴜsᴇ, ʙᴜʟʟʏɪɴɢ, sᴇʟғ ʜᴀʀᴍ, ᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴅɪsᴏʀᴅᴇʀs, sᴜʙsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀʙᴜsᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇғᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇs ᴛᴏ sᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ〛

Kato was born in Great Falls, Montana, as David Julian Winters. He and his family moved to the NYC suburbs early on in his childhood, though, with him just age five. Unfortunately, this was not the experience of bright city lights and the wonder of rich culture for him. Kato wasn’t necessarily a strange or even shy kid, but he was withdrawn and preferred social isolation to social interaction. Entering school mid-year from the midwest made him a target for schoolyard bullying by his peers, and things went from bad to worse when he was sexually abused by a teacher: A series of events that he totally repressed but that obviously had an enormous amount of fallout. Perhaps even all of that wouldn’t have been quite as destructive if Kato had had a better relationship with his parents, but Kato’s mother was emotionally distant; prone to depression, she’d often seem disaffected or apathetic. Kato’s father was career-oriented and perfectionistic. A probable sufferer of untreated OCPD, Kato’s dad felt the need to impose his impossibly high standards of achievement and perfection on his family—and when Kato failed to meet those standards, screaming matches or withholding affection as punishment were standard.
He was a fairly average kid, grades-wise: Though fairly intelligent, Kato’s stress and ADHD dragged his marks down, and his poor-average grades were a frequent cause of tension between him and his father, who expected straight A’s and nothing less. Furthermore, as time went on, the bullying never lessened. At first teased for being ‘new’ and ‘weird,’ his ADHD frustrated his teachers, who would scold him outright in class, leading to his peers treating him as mentally deficient or “stupid.” And it only escalated with age. His physical appearance became subject to taunts, particularly his roman nose and ‘girly’ figure. Kato grew his hair out in middle school, and was frequently targeted with LGBT-phobia. If he wasn’t being called a ‘fag’ or a ‘tranny’ in the hallways, he was being physically attacked in the locker room or behind the school: Anywhere away from the disinterested eyes of the administration. In middle school, a second sexual assault—this time at the hands of another student—fed into his preexisting trauma despite his repression of both, and most likely was the catalyst for the fact that around age twelve Kato started self-harming; taking exacto knives and razor blades to his chest and arms. His struggles with schoolyard warfare and mental illness never managed to register on his parent’s radar, or at least not as issues requiring intervention. His school performance was a different story, and though his battle with cPTSD and self-injury went unaddressed, at age thirteen Kato’s ADHD was finally diagnosed and he was prescribed Adderall. His grades improved slightly, but going from C’s and D's to B’s (and even occasional A's) was still as good as no improvement in his father’s eyes...and Kato gave up completely on ever really being of worth to his parents.

Kato made his first ‘real’ friend at age fourteen, in high school—Athena. Despite her ‘jock’ status, she’d encountered homophobia, herself, and had a strong moral compass that transcended her ‘clique:’ She and Kato started talking when she overheard a pointed jab directed at him and told the offending party off. She and Kato bonded over their shared experiences of homophobic bullying, poor relationships with their parents, and unfair treatment from teachers—Athena’s dyscalculia making her a target for frustration in the same way as Kato’s ADHD. They became fast friends, and danced around the concept of dating—though it never came to fruition. When Athena’s eating disorder developed to the point of threatening her survival in 10th grade, it was Kato who brought it to Sethfire’s attention. 
Unfortunately, despite—or perhaps even spurred on by—his friendship with Athena, Kato was unable to shake his rage and resentment. Watching his only friend nearly kill herself in her own search for acceptance may well have been a factor in Kato’s spiral. As Athena recovered, Kato slipped. He’d already selling his Adderall, had traded some for a fake ID. He started going to a shooting range, to gun shows, to websites for setting up private sales. He pierced his own septum, his eyebrow, gave himself snakebites. Dropped $700 of amphetamine money on an Uzi, tattooed an inverted cross next to his left eye with a sewing needle and a mirror and India ink. Bought a shotgun, a Glock 19. Turned 16. He started 11th grade with his mind already set: The next time he got physically fucked with, it was all going up. Sure enough, not even a month into the school year he got given a black eye and a split lip—so he kissed Athena out of the blue, looked her in the eyes, and told her not to come into school the next day. Her insight and trust in Sethfire’s ability to talk Kato down—and Seth’s determination to give Kato love and support and somewhere to flee to—saved lives. And with encouragement from Athena, Kato channeled his free time from dropping out and his pain and anger from his past into something less destructive; into more singing and songwriting, more playing guitar, more creation. He’s the one who really gunned for EoI’s formation as a band, and does an incredible amount of their writing/lyrical work. He’s also one of their two clean vocalists, as well as their lead guitarist. He’s intensely dedicated to the band and the role he plays in it.

As EoI has grown into itself, though, Kato has struggled to grow with it: His way of thinking is overarchingly unstable, and has gotten worse over time. He's standoffish and difficult as all hell—up until he isn't. He's had a tendency towards acting sarcastic, angry, or unempathetic—even cruel. But he's just as capable of being understanding, and sometimes he'll end up having a moment of vulnerability or idealization or something will trigger the kindness in him, and he’ll change his behavior completely: Be trusting and caring and eager to please...often before panicking and shutting down again—certain that in exposing that side of himself he’s unwittingly manipulated someone into valuing him, or that information he’s divulged will be used or held against him. Borderline through and through, he’ll ‘split’ on his friends and feel betrayed by them; abandoned, angry, loathing, even—and simultaneously aware that it’s irrational: Plenty of his episodes of cutting are due entirely to self-punishment for hating the people he knows he loves. His unpredictable mood swings, his psychotic symptoms, and his homicidal near-miss in adolescence have resulted in him truly and uncompromisingly believing himself to be fundamentally bad—not just flawed, but something horrible and evil and monstrous. He feels like he deserves to die but can’t commit to out-and-out suicide, though he toys with it through unrestrained cutting, casual overdose, even sitting with a gun to his head.

Guilt eats away at him even as he pretends it doesn’t; he makes dark jokes about his violent nature, but is secretly terrified of himself and does everything he can to punish himself for his continued existence: Cutting, smoking, drinking and drug use, starving and purging...and from the summer he turned 17 until spring of 2020, going out and getting wasted to see who was still willing to take him home. Casual sex for him was used in two ways—as proof of his value; that there was something about him of benefit to other people rather than harm—and also as a form of punishment; knowing it would be rough and unloving and that he’d think himself disgusting for it later. In a similar vein, for a long time he supplemented the sparse income from bandwork by working as a gay camboy under the alias “Bennett Reed.” It was work that he both loathed and craved, as with his promiscuity: He traded his humanity for objectification just so that he could cling to the attention it awarded him. It was both to convince himself of his worth and to convince himself of his worthlessness and his own mindset would tear him apart with its contradictory nature. Having repressed his sexual abuse up until spring of 2020, he couldn’t pinpoint the origins of his warped relationship with intimacy and instead just lived with the destructive confusion of it, feeling broken and dirty. Now, having uncovered his memories, he has stopped camming and is putting effort towards not relapsing into sex-as-self-harm. It’s a hard road, though, and the appeal of symptom replacement through his other vices is very, very real to him.

Underneath everything, he’s scared. Scared of hurting people, scared of getting hurt, scared of being loved, scared of being hated. He’s terrified of it all but fear feels like weakness so he covers it with any other emotion or substance that he can lay his hands on. Fortunately, Kato’s friends are patient and understanding and kind—despite his struggles with showing affection appropriately. And however improbably, as time has worn on, Kato’s managed to make more friends: Over the years, more and more people have seen the kinder, more vulnerable side of him (despite the inconsistency with which he shows it) and have stuck with him. Now, with their support, he stands a better chance at withdrawing from his vices: In 2021, due to the encouragement and effort of his closest friends, Kato finally seeks professional help and starts his (albeit long and grueling) recovery journey.

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*•.¸⸸ ᴀᴅᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ɪɴғᴏ ⸸¸.•*

╚» Kato had long hair which he often wore in a ponytail up until 2016, when he cut it after the release of EoI’s third album, Suburban Casualties. He’s since grown it out again, though...and gotten glasses. His reference with his short hair and without glasses can be found at the bottom of the page.

╚» His cigarette brand of choice is Newports, and he goes through ~3 packs a week, more if he’s particularly stressed

╚» He had an intense (if brief) relationship with Fawkes Leroux, which ended up being mutually abusive but which he ended up blaming himself entirely for the toxicity of; resulting in him deciding to kill himself, a nearly four-day panic + search, and a total breakdown in EoI’s relationship with Nightshrike.

╚» He also rebounded from his unnamed something that he had with Anarchy by engaging in an extremely unhealthy physical relationship with a man named Isaac; a relationship Kato used to flirt with death, and to—both figuratively and literally—reopen old wounds.

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Tattoo References

⤷ Please note that Kato begins covering up some of his [more problematic] tattoos in late 2019 ⤶